I’m so certain that a lot of people will like to hear some blonde jokes,Why would anyone want to make a blonde joke anyway? Ask any blonde you know, it is believed that Blonde jokes were invented by brunettes, jealous of Marilyn Monroe getting to have sex with JFK. Enough of the black jokes, take a look at some of the best funny blonde jokes that we found.
Short Blonde Jokes
1. Q Why did the blonde purchase an AM radio?
A She didn’t want one for nights.
2. Q What about the blonde who gave birth to twins?
A Her husband is out looking for the other man.
3. Q Did you hear about the dead blonde in the closet?
A She was last years hide and seek winner.
4. Q Why did the blonde scale the glass wall?
A To see what was on the other side.
5. Q How do you brainwash a blonde?
A Give her a douche and shake her upside down.
6. Q How do you drown a blond?
A Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool.
7. Q How do you drown a blond?
A Leave a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool.
8. Q What do you call a blonde with a brand new PC?
A A dumb terminal.
9. Q Why are blonde jokes so easy to understand?
A So brunettes can understand them.
10. Q How did the blond burn her ear?
A The phone rang while she was ironing.
11. Q How does a blonde make instant pudding?
A She places the box in the microwave and looks for the “instant pudding setting” button.
12. Q Did you hear about the blonde that went to library and checked out a book called “How to Hug”?
A When she got back to the dorm and found out it was volume seven of the encyclopedia.
13. Q What do you call 24 blondes in a cardboard box?
A A case of empties.
14. Q Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
A Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.
15. Q Why did the blonde call the welfare office?
A She wanted to know how to cook food stamps!
16. Q Where do blondes go to meet their relatives?
A The vegetable garden.
17. Q Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater?
A They went to see “Closed for the Winter”.
18. Q Why won’t they hire a blonde pharmacist?
A They keep breaking the prescription bottles in the typewriters.
19. Q A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm. She passes a person who asks “Where did you get that?”
A The pig says, “I won her in a raffle!”
20. Q What goes vroom, screech, vroom, screech, vroom, screech?
A A blonde going through a flashing red light.
21. Q To a blonde, what is long and hard?
A Grade four.
22. Q What is the definition of gross ignorance?
A 144 blondes.
23. Q How did the blonde try to kill the bird?
A She threw it off a cliff.
24. Q How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves?
A She fell out of the tree.Q What is dumber than a brunette building a fire under the water?
25. Q Why did the blonde buy a brown cow?
A To get chocolate milk.
26. Q What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
A “Oh look! Donut seeds!”
27. Q Why are blondes hurt by peoples words?
A Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.
28. Q Why can’t blondes put in light bulbs?
A They keep breaking them with the hammers.
29. Q How do you describe a blonde, surrounded by drooling idiots?
30. Q How do you confuse a blonde?
A You don’t. They’re born that way.
31. Q Why couldn’t the blonde write the number eleven?
A She didn’t know what number came first.
32. Q What do you call a blonde with 90% of her intelligence gone?
33. Q How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?
A Two. One to hold the Diet Pepsi, and one to call, “Daaady!”
34. Q How do you get rid of blondes?
A Form a circle, give each blonde a gun, and tell them they are a firing squad.
35. Q Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb blonde, and a smart blonde are walking down the street when they spot a $10 bill. Who picks it up?
A The dumb blonde! because, there is no such thing as Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, or a smart blonde.
36. Q Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb blonde, and a smart blonde are walking down the street when they spot a $10 bill. Who picks it up?
A None of them, two don’t exist and the dumb blonde thought it was a gum wrapper.
37. Q If a blonde and a brunette are tossed off a building, who hits the ground first?
A The brunette. The blonde has to stop to ask for directions.
38. Q How do blonde braincells die?
39. Q There are 17 blonds standing outside a disco but why couldn’t they get in?
A The sign said “must be 18 to enter”.
40. Q Why are there no brunette jokes?
A Because blondes would have to think them up.
41. Q A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
A “Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces.”
42. Q What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home?
A She moved.
43. Q Did you hear about Pepsi’s new soda just for blondes?
A It has “open other end” printed on the bottom.
44. Q Why do blondes always rapidly flap their hands towards theirs ears?
A They’re refuelling.
Dumb Blonde Jokes
45. Q: Why do Spice Girls have TGIF on their shoes?
A: Toes go in first.
46. Q: Why do Spice Girls have TGIF on their shirts?
A: Tits go in front.
47. Q: Why don’t Spice Girls eat bananas?
A: They can’t find the zipper.
48. Q: What is the best thing about getting a blow job from a Spice Girl?
A: 10 minutes of silence.
49. Q: What do you do if a spice girl hurls a grenade at you ?
A: Take out the pin and throw it back
50. Q. What’s the difference between an intelligent Spice Girl and a UFO?
A. Dunno – never seen either!
51. Q: What is the difference between a Spice Girl and a 747?
A: Not everyone has been inside a 747.
52. Q Why do the Spice Girls smile when there’s lightning ?
A They think they are getting their photo taken.
53. Q: What did the Spice girls mum say to her daughters date ?
A: If you’re not in bed by 11 go home.
54. Q: What do you call a spice girl behind a steering wheel ?
A: An air-bag.
55. Q: How do you know when a Spice Girl has been making chocolate chip cookies?
A: You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.
56. Q: What does a Spice Girl and a beer bottle have in common?
A: They’re both empty from the neck up.
57. Q: A blonde and the Spice Girls jumped off the Empire State building. Who landed first?
A: The blonde – the Spice Girls had to stop and ask directions !
58. Q How many Spice Girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A None, they only screw in cars.
59. Q: What do a turtle and a spice girl have in common?
A: Put them on their back and they’re both screwed
Funny Blonde Jokes – Hilarious Blonde Jokes – Best Blonde Jokes
60. Q: How can you get a blonde to laugh on Saturday?
A: Tell her a joke on Wednesday.
61. Q:Why does it take longer to build a Blonde snowman?
A: You have to hollow out the head.
62. Q: What can strike a blonde without her even knowing it?
A: A thought.
63. Q: What does the Bermuda Triangle and a blonde have in common?
A: They both swallowed a lot of semen.
64. Q: Why does a blonde wear green lipstick?
A: Because red means Stop.
65. Q: Did you hear about the blonde with a PhD in Psychology?
A: She’ll blow your mind, too.
66. Q: Did you hear about the new blonde paint?
A: It’s not real bright, but its cheap, and spreads easy.
67. Q: Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
A: Because that’s where your supposed to wash vegetables.
68. Q: What’s the difference between a blonde and the Titanic?
A: They know how many went down on the Titanic.
69. Q: Why are blondes like corn flakes?
A: Because they’re simple, easy and they taste good.
70. Q: Why did the blonde tattoo her zip-code on her thigh?
A: She wanted a lot of male in her box.
71. Q: What is the difference between blondes and traffic signs?
A: Some traffic signs say stop
72. Q: How do you get a blonde on the roof?
A: Tell her drinks are on the house.
73. Q: Why do blondes wear underwear?
A: To keep their ankles warm.
74. Q: What do you call a blonde with pig tails?
A: A blow job with handlebars
75. Q: What’s the difference between a blonde and a guy?
A: The blonde has the higher sperm count.
76. Q: Why was the blonde confused after giving birth to twins?
A: She couldn’t figure out who the other mother was.
77. Q: What’s the difference between a blonde and an ironing board?
A: It’s difficult to open the legs of an ironing board.
78. Q: Why don’t blondes get coffee breaks?
A: It takes too long to retrain them.
Clean Blonde Jokes – Good Blonde Jokes
79. Q: What does Star Trek’s Dr Bones McCoy say before he performs brain surgery on a blonde?
A: Space. The final frontier……….
80. Q: How do you make a blonde’s eyes twinkle?
A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.
81. Q:Why couldn’t the blonde make ice cubes?
A:She forgot the ingredients.
82. Q:Why was the blonde staring at a carton of juice?
A:Because it said concentrate.
83. Q. How do you keep a blonde at home?
A. Build a circular driveway.
84. Q: What does a blonde owl say?
A: What, what?
85. Q: What do you get when offering a blonde a penny for her thoughts?
86. Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
A: From crawling across the street when the sign said “don’t walk”.
87. Q: How does a stereotypical blonde spell Farm?
88. Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and a UFO?
A: There have been sightings of UFOs.
89. Q:How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?
A:Tell her a joke on Wednesday.
90. Q:How do you really confuse a blonde?
A:Put her in a circle room and tell her to sit in the corner.
91. Q: What’s brown, red, black and blue?
A: A Brunette who’s been tellin one too many blonde jokes.
92. Q: Why couldn’t the blonde manage to make Ice-Cubes?
A: She couldn’t find the recipe.
93. Q: Why was the blonde so happy after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only six months?
A: Because on the box it said From 2 to 4 years.
94. Q: What did the blonde say when her doctor told her that she was pregnant?
A: “Is it mine?”