I’m so certain that a lot of people will like to hear some blonde jokes. Why would anyone want to make a blonde joke anyway? Ask any blonde you know, it is believed that blonde jokes were invented by brunettes, jealous of Marilyn Monroe getting to have sex with JFK. Enough of the black jokes, take a look at some of the best funny blonde jokes that we found.
Short Blonde Jokes
1. Q: Why did the blonde purchase an AM radio?
A: She didn’t want one for nights.
2. Q: What about the blonde who gave birth to twins?
A: Her husband is out looking for the other man.
3. Q: Did you hear about the dead blonde in the closet?
A: She was last years hide and seek winner.
4. Q: Why did the blonde scale the glass wall?
A: To see what was on the other side.
5. Q: How do you brainwash a blonde?
A: Give her a douche and shake her upside down.
6. Q: How do you drown a blonde?
A: Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool.
7. Q: How do you drown a blonde?
A: Leave a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool.
8. Q: What do you call a blonde with a brand new PC?
A: A dumb terminal.
9. Q: Why are blonde jokes so easy to understand?
A: So brunettes can understand them.
10. Q: How did the blond burn her ear?
A: The phone rang while she was ironing.
11. Q: How does a blonde make instant pudding?
A: She places the box in the microwave and looks for the “instant pudding setting” button.
12. Q: Did you hear about the blonde that went to the library and checked out a book called “How to Hug”?
A: When she got back to the dorm and found out it was volume seven of the encyclopedia.
13. Q: What do you call 24 blondes in a cardboard box?
A: A case of empties.
14. Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
A: Because on the box it said from 2-4 years.
15. Q: Why did the blonde call the welfare office?
A: She wanted to know how to cook food stamps!
16. Q: Where do blondes go to meet their relatives?
A: The vegetable garden.
17. Q: Did you hear about the blonde couple that was found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater?
A: They went to see “Closed for the Winter”.
18. Q: Why won’t they hire a blonde pharmacist?
A: They keep breaking the prescription bottles in the typewriters.
19. Q: A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm. She passes a person who asks “Where did you get that?”
A: The pig says, “I won her in a raffle!”
20. Q: What goes vroom, screech, vroom, screech, vroom, screech?
A: A blonde going through a flashing red light.
21. Q: To a blonde, what is long and hard?
A: Grade four.
22. Q: What is the definition of gross ignorance?
A: 144 blondes.
23. Q:: How did the blonde try to kill the bird?
A: She threw it off a cliff.
24. Q: How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves?
A: She fell out of the tree.
25. Q: Why did the blonde buy a brown cow?
A: To get chocolate milk.
26. Q: What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
A: “Oh look! Donut seeds!”
27. Q: Why are blondes hurt by peoples words?
A: Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.
28. Q: Why can’t blondes put in light bulbs?
A: They keep breaking them with the hammers.
29. Q: How do you describe a blonde, surrounded by drooling idiots?
30. Q: How do you confuse a blonde?
A: You don’t. They’re born that way.
31. Q: Why couldn’t the blonde write the number eleven?
A: She didn’t know what number came first.
32. Q: What do you call a blonde with 90% of her intelligence gone?
33. Q: How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Tw:o. One to hold the Diet Pepsi, and one to call, “Daaady!”
34. Q: How do you get rid of blondes?
A: Form a circle, give each blonde a gun and tell them they are a firing squad.
35. Q: Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb blonde, and a smart blonde are walking down the street when they spot a $10 bill. Who picks it up?
A: The dumb blonde! because, there is no such thing as Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, or a smart blonde.
36. Q: Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb blonde, and a smart blonde are walking down the street when they spot a $10: bill. Who picks it up?
A: None of them, two don’t exist and the dumb blonde thought it was a gum wrapper.
37. Q:: If a blonde and a brunette are tossed off a building, who hits the ground first?
A: The brunette. The blonde has to stop to ask for directions.
38. Q: How do blonde brain cells die?
39. Q: There are 17 blonds standing outside a disco but why couldn’t they get in?
A: The sign said, “Must be 18 to enter”.
40. Q: Why are there no brunette jokes?
A: Because blondes would have to think them up.
41. Q: A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
A: “Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces.”
42. Q: What did the blondG do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home?
A: She moved.
43. Q: Did you hear about Pepsi’s new soda just for blondes?
A: It has “open other end” printed on the bottom.
44. Q: Why do blondes always rapidly flap their hands towards theirs ears?
A: They’re refueling.
Dumb Spice Girls – Blonde Jokes
45. Q: Why do Spice Girls have TGIF on their shoes?
A: Toes go in first.
46. Q: Why do Spice Girls have TGIF on their shirts
A: Tits go in front.
47. Q: Why don’t Spice Girls eat bananas?
A: They can’t find the zipper.
48. Q: What is the best thing about getting a blow job from a Spice Girl?
A: 10 minutes of silence.
49. Q: What do you do if a spice girl hurls a grenade at you?
A: Take out the pin and throw it back
50. Q: What’s the difference between an intelligent Spice Girl and a UFO?
A: Dunno – never seen either!
51. Q: What is the difference between a Spice Girl and a 747?
A: Not everyone has been inside a 747.
52. Q: Why do the Spice Girls smile when there’s lightning?
A: They think they are getting their photo taken.
53. Q: What did the Spice Girls mum say to her daughter’s date?
A: If you’re not in bed by 11, go home.
54. Q: What do you call a spice girl behind a steering wheel?
A: An air-bag.
55. Q: How do you know when a Spice Girl has been making chocolate chip cookies?
A: You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.
56. Q: What does a Spice Girl and a beer bottle have in common?
A: They’re both empty from the neck up.
57. Q: A blonde and the Spice Girls jumped off the Empire State building. Who landed first?
A: The blonde – the Spice Girls had to stop and ask directions!
58. Q: How many Spice Girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, they only screw in cars.
59. Q: What do a turtle and a spice girl have in common?
A: Put them on their back and they’re both screwed
Funny Blonde Jokes – Hilarious Blonde Jokes – Best Blonde Jokes
60. Q: How can you get a blonde to laugh on Saturday?
A: Tell her a joke on Wednesday.
61. Q: Why does it take longer to build a Blonde snowman?
A: You have to hollow out the head.
62. Q: What can strike a blonde without her even knowing it?
A: A thought.
63. Q: What does the Bermuda Triangle and a blonde have in common?
A: They both swallowed a lot of semen.
64. Q: Why does a blonde wear green lipstick?
A: Because red means Stop.
65. Q: Did you hear about the blonde with a PhD in Psychology?
A: She’ll blow your mind, too.
66. Q: Did you hear about the new blonde paint?
A: It’s not real bright, but its cheap, and spreads easy.
67. Q: Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
A: Because that’s where your supposed to wash vegetables.
68. Q: What’s the difference between a blonde and the Titanic?
A: They know how many went down on the Titanic.
69. Q: Why are blondes like corn flakes?
A: Because they’re simple, easy and they taste good.
70. Q: Why did the blonde tattoo her zip-code on her thigh?
A: She wanted a lot of male in her box.
71. Q: What is the difference between blondes and traffic signs?
A: Some traffic signs say stop
72. Q: How do you get a blonde on the roof?
A: Tell her drinks are on the house.
73. Q: Why do blondes wear underwear?
A: To keep their ankles warm.
74. Q: What do you call a blonde with pig tails?
A: A blow job with handlebars
75. Q: What’s the difference between a blonde and a guy?
A: The blonde has the higher sperm count.
76. Q: Why was the blonde confused after giving birth to twins?
A: She couldn’t figure out who the other mother was.
77. Q: What’s the difference between a blonde and an ironing board?
A: It’s difficult to open the legs of an ironing board.
78. Q: Why don’t blondes get coffee breaks?
A: It takes too long to retrain them.
Clean Blonde Jokes – Good Blonde Jokes
79. Q: What does Star Trek’s Dr. Bones McCoy say before he performs brain surgery on a blonde?
A: Space. The final frontier…
80. Q: How do you make a blonde’s eyes twinkle?
A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.
81. Q: Why couldn’t the blonde make ice cubes?
A: She forgot the ingredients.
82. Q: Why was the blonde staring at a carton of juice?
A: Because it said concentrate.
83. Q. How do you keep a blonde at home?
A. Build a circular driveway.
84. Q: What does a blonde owl say?
A: What, what?
85. Q: What do you get when offering a blonde a penny for her thoughts?
86. Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
A: From crawling across the street when the sign said “don’t walk”.
87. Q: How does a stereotypical blonde spell Farm?
88. Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and a UFO?
A: There have been sightings of UFOs.
89. Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?
A: Tell her a joke on Wednesday.
90. Q: How do you really confuse a blonde?
A: Put her in a circle room and tell her to sit in the corner.
91. Q: What’s brown, red, black and blue?
A: A brunette who’s been telling one too many blonde jokes.
92. Q: Why couldn’t the blonde manage to make Ice-Cubes?
A: She couldn’t find the recipe.
93. Q: Why was the blonde so happy after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only six months?
A: Because on the box it said From 2 to 4 years.
94. Q: What did the blonde say when her doctor told her that she was pregnant?
A: “Is it mine?”
Blonde Jokes For Kids
95. Q: Why are frogs so happy?
A: They eat whatever bugs them
96. Q. What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck?
A. Milk and quackers!
97. Q: What is the most hardworking part of the eye?
A: the pupil
98. Q: How do you make a tissue dance?
A: Put a little boogey in it!
99. Q: Why did the picture go to jail?
A: Because it was framed.
100. Q: What does a nosey pepper do?
A: Gets jalapeno business!
101. Q: What do you call a fake noodle?
A: An Impasta
102. Q: What do you call an alligator in a vest?
A: An Investigator
103. Q: Why did the banana go to the doctor?
A: Because it was not peeling well
104. Q: Why is England the wettest country?
A: Because the queen has reigned there for years!
105. Q: Why do fish live in salt water?
A: Because pepper makes them sneeze!
106. Q: Why did the birdie go to the hospital?
A: To get a tweetment.
107. Q: What do you call someone who is afraid of Santa?
A: A Clausterphobic
108. Q: What sound do porcupines make when they kiss?
109. Q: Why are pirates called pirates?
A: Cause they arrrrr.
110. Q: What do prisoners use to call each other?
A: Cell phones.
111. Q: Where do snowmen keep their money?
A: In snow banks.
112. Q: What washes up on very small beaches?
113. Q: Why did the computer go to the doctor?
A: Because it had a virus!
114. Q: What did the leopard say after eating his owner?
A: Man, that hit the “spot.”
115. Q: What do you call a sleeping bull?
A: A bulldozer!
116. Q: Who earns a living driving their customers away?
A: A taxi driver.
117. Q: “How do you shoot a killer bee?”
A: “With a bee bee gun.”
118. Q: How do you drown a Hipster?
A: In the mainstream.
119. Q: Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato?
A: The lettuce was a “head” and the tomato was trying to “ketchup”!
120. Q: What do you get from a pampered cow?
A: Spoiled milk.
121. Q: What do lawyers wear to court?
122. Q: What season is it when you are on a trampoline?
A: Spring time.
123. Q: Where did the computer go to dance?
A: To a disc-o.
124. Q: What has one head, one foot and four legs?
A: A Bed
125. Q: What is the difference between a school teacher and a train?
A: The teacher says spit your gum out and the train says “chew chew chew”.
126. Q: Why didn’t the skeleton go to the dance?
A: Because he had no-body to go with.
127. Q: How do crazy people go through the forest?
A: They take the psycho path.
128. Q: What three candies can you find in every school?
A: Nerds, DumDums, and smarties.
129. Q: What goes through towns, up & over hills, but doesn’t move?
A: The road!
130. Q: How do you make holy water?
A: Boil the hell out of it!
131. Q: What happened to the dog that swallowed a firefly?
A: It barked with de-light!
132. Q: What stays in the corner and travels all over the world?
A: A stamp.
133. Q: Why did the man put his money in the freezer?
A: He wanted cold hard cash!
134. Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
135. Q: What is the best day to go to the beach?
A: Sunday, of course!
136. Q: What bow can’t be tied?
A: A rainbow!
137. Q: What gets wetter the more it dries?
A: A towel.
138. Q: What did the pencile say to the other pencil?
A: your looking sharp.
139. Q: What did Bacon say to Tomato?
A: Lettuce get together!
140. Q: What do you get when you cross fish and an elephant?
A: Swimming trunks.
141. Q: Where do bees go to the bathroom?
A: At the BP station!
142. Q: What do you call a baby monkey?
A: A Chimp off the old block.
Blonde Jokes One Liners
143. Q: Why do blondes drive BMWs?
A: Because they can spell it.
144. Q: Why do blondes have TGIF on their shoes?
A: Toes Go In First.
145. Q: Why do blondes have TGIF on their shirts?
A: Tits Go In Front.
146. Q: What’s the first thing a blonde does in the morning?
A: Introduces herself. Walks home.
147. Q: What’s the first thing a blonde does after sex?
A: Opens the car door.
148. Q: How do blondes turn the light on after sex?
A: Kick open the car door.
149. Q: What do a blonde and your computer have in common?
A: You don’t know how much either of them mean to you until they go down on you.
150. Q: What did the blonde think of the new computer?
A: She didn’t like it because she couldn’t get channel 9.
151. Q: Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
A: (With a rocking of the head from side to side) I dunno!
152. Q: What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive?
A: Her ankles.
153. Q: Why do blondes wear green lipstick?
A: Because red means stop.
154. Q: Why do blondes wear red lipstick?
A: Because red means “Stop, wrong hole.”
155. Q: What do you call a blonde between two brunettes?
A: A mental block.
156. Q: How do you change a blonde’s mind?
A: Blow in her ear.Buy her another beer.
157. Q: What do you say to a blonde that won’t give in?
A: “Have another beer.”
158. Q: Why don’t blondes eat bananas?
A1: They can’t find the zipper.
159. Q: Why do blondes wear hoop earrings?
A: They have to have some place to rest their ankles.
160. Q: Why do blondes where big hoop earrings?
A: To put their feet through.
161. Q: How do you kill a blonde?
A: Put spikes in their shoulder pads.
162. Q: How do blondes pierce their ears?
A: They put tacks in their shoulder pads.
163. Q: Why don’t blondes eat Jello?
A: They can’t figure out how to get two cups of water into those little packages.
164. Q: What do blondes do for foreplay?
A: Remove their underwear.
165. Q: What’s the mating call of the blonde?
A: “I’m *sooo* drunk!”
166. Q: What is the mating call of the ugly blonde?
A: (Screaming) “I said: I’m drunk!”
167. Q: What do blondes do with their assholes in the morning?
A: Pack their lunch and send them to work.
168. Q: Why do blondes like tilt steering?
A: More head room.
169. Q: Why do blondes drive cars with sunroofs?
A: More leg room.
170. Q: What do you call a blonde with a dollar on the top of their head?
A: All you can eat, under a buck.
171. Q: Why don’t blondes eat pickles?
A: Because they can’t get their head in the jar.
172. Q: What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side?
A: An interpreter.
173. Q: What is the worst thing about sex with a blonde?
A: Bucket seats.
174. Q: How can you tell if a blonde has been in your refrigerator?
A: By the lipstick on your cucumbers.
175. Q: Why do blondes wear underwear?
A: They make good ankle warmers.
176. Q: How did the blonde die ice fishing?
A: She was run over by the Zamboni machine.
Stupid Blonde Jokes
177. What’s the difference between a blonde having her period and a terrorist?
You can negotiate with a terrorist.
178. Did you hear about the blonde lesbian?
She kept having affairs with men.
179. Did you hear about the blondes who froze to death at the drive-in?
They went to see “Closed for the Winter”.
180. What was the blonde psychic’s greatest achievement?
An in-body experience!
181. Why do blondes have square boobs?
No one told them to take the tissues out of the box first.
182. Where does a blonde haemophiliac go for medical treatment?
183. What is the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot?
A number of people claim to have seen a Bigfoot.
184. What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for her thoughts?
185. Why are there so many dumb blonde jokes?
It gives brunettes and redheads something to do on Saturday night.
186. How do you get a dumb blonde to marry you?
Tell her she’s pregnant.
187. How do dumb blonde brain cells die?
188. What do you call a blonde surrounded by drooling idiots?
189. What does an intelligent blonde and a UFO have in common?
No matter how often you hear about them, you never see one.
190. What do you call a blonde with a 50 I.Q.?
191. What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
192. What did the dumb blonde say to the doctor when she found out she was pregnant?
“Are you sure it’s mine?”
193. Why do blondes drive VW’s?
Because none of them can spell Porsche.
194. How do you confuse a blonde?
You don’t — they’re born that way.
195. What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?
Run like hell — she’s got a hand grenade in her mouth!
196What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
“Oh look! Doughnut seeds!”
197. What do you call a blonde dyed brunette?
198. What do you call three blondes in a freezer?
199. Why did the blonde snort NutraSweet?
She thought it was diet coke.
200. What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back.